Best Day Ever

Yesterday was great.

I got up and went to boot camp, and it wasn't until I got home and looked at FB that I remembered that it was Jay's liverversary.  I hugged him tight for a long time.  Then I did that really annoying thing where I say, "At exactly this time last year..." all morning long.

I also got to go to chapel at Union where Jay gave his testimony (I haven't used that word in a long time).  He did a really great job.  It wasn't until he sat down and I held his hand that I realized that he was shaking (not from Prograf) and that his heart was racing.

During our noon Communion service I told the story of David driving to Nashville so that he could be with us during the surgery.  I got to thank Cecil and Tharon for inviting the congregation to an impromptu prayer service on the day of the transplant.  I didn't share this in the service, but I later thanked Dan for the groceries and for letting things happen as they needed to happen.

I smiled all day.

I saw Jason's picture of newborn Amanda and remembered that, the day after the surgery, he brought leftovers from her birthday dinner to share with me: Famous Dave's and vegetables, with Trader Joe's beef jerky for a snack.

Amanda and David stopped at CVS to get earplugs for me so that I could sleep through the night.  I won't ever forget the breeze on the porch at Satco when I could finally breathe again.

My friend Laura asked at dinner last night if it (yesterday) was the best day of my life.  I told her that it really was.  One year ago I felt confident that Jay would be fine, but not much compares to the joy of looking back on that day and seeing just how well everything did turn out.

I don't think that it was until yesterday that I realized how vividly I could remember the faces that were with us, and all the kindness and goodness that went with those faces.  It wasn't until yesterday that I realized how vividly I remember every emotion, every moment of angst, every ounce of anxiety, the relief of talking with the surgeon when it was over, the terror of hearing the nurse yell Jay's name before I realized that he was trying to get Jay ready for extubation, the calm of knowing that my mom had our children and that I didn't have to worry about them, the absolute exhaustion when the day was over.

And every time I think about it I smile.  Sometimes I laugh.  Because it is so good.

Lent 2013

One of the most helpful things I found in the weeks leading up to Lent was this video posted from my friend Tonya.  It's incredibly dry but informative and helpful.  Maybe I was meant to be Lutheran.

Anyway, I started thinking about my Lenten disciplines and how they fit into the four historical Lenten disciplines in the church.  This rubric was really great for helping me check myself and see if I was covering all the bases.  And because I never really feel like I'm ready for Lent until I've written down my intentions, here goes:

1.  Prayer

• I am using Shane Claiborne's Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals for daily readings and prayers, and also keeping a journal as I read and pray

2.  Service

• The family is using the Lenten World Hunger Calendar again this year.  We did this a few years ago and the kids really liked it.  We slacked off last year, for obvious reasons, but they seem excited to do it again.  It involves scripture reading, prayer, and donation of money every day.

• We are also going to participate in the Giving (Up) campaign at our church to support our Habitat for Humanity building project.  We've pledged to give a day of working on the house, to pray, and to give financially.

3.  Study

• My goal this year is to memorize Psalm 51.  If I get through that, I'll probably try for another of the Lenten texts.

• Oh, and I also have three more books to read and multiple papers to write before my cohort reconvenes in June, if we're talking about that kind of studying.

4.  Fasting

• I was never much of a shopper until I started working again, and now I could spend all day on Zulily, eBay, and Shop it to Me.  During Lent I've decided that not only am I not going to buy...I'm not even going to look.  I need to fast from it because I spend to much time doing it, and it has been skewing my already-wrong view of what my priorities should be. 

• I am fasting from speaking to my kids in any way other than the way I want their tapes to sound.   In other words, if the words I speak to them now are the words that are going to be knocking around in their heads, 30 years from now, I want those words to be gracious and life-giving.  I'm fasting from words that aren't.

• I'm fasting from computer and phone while my kids are awake.  It's distracting and it sets a bad example.

So, that's about it.  I've failed in every area already.  

Have a holy and blessed Lent!

A New Lenten Season

I just reread this post, written on Ash Wednesday 2012, apparently just hours before we found out that Jay had been placed on the transplant list.  It's kind of funny that I didn't wait to write the post, knowing that we would likely get a phone call that night.

This time of preparation for Lent has been much different than last year.  I actually enjoyed the Mardi Gras Kids' Parade this year instead of standing in the middle of the street feeling lost and mute.  And I preached at the evening Ash Wednesday service this year, instead of sitting in the pew and weeping.  

Oh, there was weeping this year, just not from the pew.  

I expected that this Ash Wednesday I would be smiling at the memory of the life-changing news that we had received just a year before, but instead I felt fairly contemplative and not very chatty.  I wrote a sermon that I figured would do but I wasn't really on fire about it.  During dinner prior to the service I remembered standing up on a chair in the middle of our fellowship hall and yelling to anyone who would listen that Jay had been placed on the list.  And while I was preaching I remembered sitting in the pew with Jay who, when he was reminded that he was dust, and that he would return to dust, wept openly.  And then I sort of lost it.  I only had about five sentences of my sermon left, so I powered through, but it took me by surprise.  I know that anniversaries of major events carry a lot of emotion, but I didn't think I'd get choked up given that the news we received a year ago was so happy. 

But I sure did.  

It's really incomprehensible that it's been a year since we got the news.  It made for a pretty meaningful Lent, that's for sure.  I remember telling my colleagues when we returned from the transplant evaluation not to be surprised if Jay actually had the transplant during Lent.  It just seemed appropriate.  And sure enough, Lent was our waiting season, and Easter was our first time back in church as a family.

It was meaningful, yes, but Jay and I have agreed that a not-so-meaningful Lent would be just fine this year.

The Best of Christmas 2012

Mostly because I don't want to forget, and partially because I appreciate the scoop on good gifts for kids, I'm going to review the best of the Bernheisel Christmas, 2012.  Here goes:

Best Christmas Breakfast Strata

I found it on Allrecipes about a year ago.  This is the second time I've made it, but I don't want to forget that it is my favorite.  It's full of ham, zucchini, onions, mushrooms, bread, and lots and lots of cheese.  I intend to be more dedicated to Paleo in 2013, but I will come back to this next Christmas, bread and all.

Here is the link to the recipe.

Thank you, Arlene Butler, wherever you are.





Best Squash Casserole 
If you said it didn't look all that great, I would agree with you, but that's because the picture shows it made with french fried onions.  Yuck.  But I left out those atrocities to foodkind and it was good enough to make me weep.  It requires boiling the squash and onions before putting it all together, but that step wasn't as time-consuming as it might seem.  Again, with the cheese.  Lots and lots of cheese.  We had this along with a roasted leg of lamb.

Here's the link.  I I found it quickly on Pinterest, but don't want to lose it.



Best Movie We Watched Over the Holidays

I heard an interview with Brian Selznick (who wrote the book on which the movie is based) and was intrigued.  And it has clocks and gears and robots in it, so there was no doubt it was going to be a grand-slam in our house.  I'll admit that I slept through the first half--I was in desperate need of a nap--but I think I managed to see the best stuff.  The kids loved it.  It's PG.












Best Nerd Gift

It's the Hydrodynamic Deluxe Set.  It's what you give the kid who's already exhausted the Chaos Tower from last Christmas and needs to learn about fluid dynamics.  I was a little concerned about mess, but one of the things that I love about this is that the whole thing comes in its own carrying case.  Several of the best building sets we have (Chaos Tower, Quadrilla Marble Run) come in a cardboard box that disintegrates after about a week.  But this just packs up nicely when the bottom part of the case isn't used for holding the water.  It didn't take too long to master, and it seems to be fairly easy to take apart and reassemble (the Chaos Tower last year took a long time).  It also lends itself to allowing the user to create configurations that aren't listed in the manual.

Best Gift for a Pleasant Surprise

I make my own laudryry detergent, household cleaners, and deodorant, so when my dad said that he had gotten Clare a perfume-making set, I had my doubts.  But I'm surprised at how much I love it.  First of all, all the scents are all natural.  Second, Clare had no problem jumping right in and making her own scents.  She's made a bottle for everyone in the house, and they actually smell good!  Once she mastered the eyedropper (one drop equals a drop, not a squeeze) she had it made.

Best Gift for Anyone

So, my mom got them for my kids, but I do them after they've gone to bed.











Best Places to Shop for Christmas Gifts

Daily deals for moms and kids.  I've been buying gifts all year long.  Some I even forgot about until I started looking for the presents that I'd hidden.  By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, most of my shopping was done!









MindWare has become our go-to for shopping for things for the kids.

Best Pants

So, for no reason that I know of, a glorious new catalog arrived in my mailbox this Christmas.  Sahalie.  Have you heard of it?  I hadn't, but two pages in and I was in love. They have this stuff called Butterfleece.  It makes me want to curl up with myself and take a nap.  I need a pillowcase made out of this stuff.  Anyway, I treated myself to some Butterfleece Snuggle Pants.  I probably won't ever take them off. And they come in TALL!!!!!

Pictures from NYWC, Day 3

My dinner at FT33.  Pork loin, butternut squash, black trumpet mushrooms, kale, prunes, and almonds.
I thought I might die.

Jereme's dinner.  Lamb breast and rack, barley, yogurt, poppy, and carrot puree.
Get it? The puree looks like a carrot!

Dessert! Lemongrass panna cotta.

Jeff's dessert! Pumpkin, pear, bourbon glaze, and pecan yummies.

NOT the two most photogenic people in the room.

The cute waiter with the facial hair near the sign proclaiming that good moustaches are always in season!

Blogging from NYWC, Day 3

If I recall, I took it easy on Saturday last year, too.  I went to a great seminar with Jim Burns on building family-based youth ministry and then went for a run.  This one was much more successful than yesterday's. I finally made it to the part of downtown that isn't being torn apart, and that made for a much easier time of it.  Plus, I actually mapped out my route beforehand.  That may have made it easier, too.

At noon, Nick and I had lunch with our new friend Jeff (although at this point he probably counts as old friend), and our old Lambuth friend Malissa who is a Minister to Children and Youth in Tampa.  We talked about Jackson and Lambuth, but it was also really neat to connect about our ministries and share our ministry stories.

At 2:00 it was time for the last seminar of the day.  Since our church is planning to focus on biblical storytelling in the coming year, I decided to go visit Mike Novelli, whose writing focuses on biblical storying for youth.  I took a picture, asked him about his presentation last year that I regularly listen to on my mp3, and volunteered to help him during an activity.  He probably thinks I'm his stalker.  But it was great information that I'm excited to take back to my church.

Then Jereme came to pick up Jeff, Nick, and me and take us out to a new restaurant that he found.  It was more event than meal, and we (at least I) had a wonderful time visiting and eating.  It was one of the greatest meals I've ever had, and I've had some pretty decent meals in my time.  It was FT33 and I highly recommend it!

Now I am getting ready for bed and a long day tomorrow.  We have a full day of seminars and a flight back home to look forward too.  Oh!  And lunch with my professors and colleagues in my D.Min. program who are here!

Pictures from NYWC, Day 2

Waiting for the evening plenary!

Adrian (in the red) leads a youth ministry team from a church here in Dallas.  He was called to be a youth pastor at a church that didn't have any youth, so he and his team had to go find them.  They do a lunch ministry in their local high school, and Mark is telling him that YS is sponsoring lunches for the rest of the year.  He then broke it to Adrian that Doug Fields was giving 10 scholarships to the Student Leadership Conference for Adrian's team and the kids he wanted to bring from the lunch ministry.

One other high point was that the couple married for the shortest time and the couple married for the longest time both got to go on dates sponsored by YS.

Tony Campolo getting a Lifetime Appreciation Award from YS.

Gungor!

Believe it or not, the Methodists had the coolest booth in the exhibit hall. Bazinga!

Blogging from NYWC, Day 2

My only complaint so far about the hotel is that there are no protein options for breakfast unless you go to the hotel restaurant, which also requires a full month's mortgage.  So I had fruit and coffee and my stomach was growling by 10:00am.

BUT it was drowned out by the brilliant teaching of Duffy Robbins, who continues to rock my world no matter how often I hear him.  His learning lab was called Teaching that Sticks Instead of Teaching that Stinks, so my youth can now look forward to teaching that doesn't stink, and that may have been worth the cost of admission.  Although I am, in fact, in a D.Min program for ministry to children and youth, I've never had the benefit of something like a Youth Ministry 101 class.  This was surely it, and I am grateful.

Nick and I made a new friend who lives in Nashville but graduated from Lambuth, and he joined us for lunch.  It was lovely.  Then we went back to plenary where Mark Yaconelli and Mark Matlock wowed us.  I went to marks contemplative retreat last year and would think he was amazing if he just stood up and recited the alphabet.  But this was wonderful, and the whole plenary ended with storytelling and fake snow.  Not too shabby.

I skipped one of the afternoon activities in favor of a run.  I think Dallas hates runners because they don't even have sidewalks in much of their downtown.  I did a lot of dodging cars and wondering why the streets can't be on a grid, but I did make it back without getting perilously lost.

When I returned, I went to a seminar by Chap Clark.  I really appreciate his research and writing, but I wasn't sure what I was going to get out of the seminar since I've read a good deal of his work.  But, as usual, sitting in a room with someone puts information in a whole different light than simply reading what they've written.  In fact, I was inspired to write myself late this night after hearing him.  He reinforced much of what I already knew, but with an urgency that I needed to experience.

We had a dinner at a disappointing Tex-Mex place in the food court next door, which was clearly not expecting a massive descent of hungry youth workers.  But it was food and that was what mattered.  Then we went back to plenary.

If you've never heard of Bob Goff, you need to.  He is the president and founder of Restore International, an organization that works to fight injustice against children. I have honestly never heard anyone like him.  I WILL be buying the DVD of that session.  If you're ever having a bad day or just aren't feeling all that great about life, come borrow it and I guarantee that your trust in the true, the beautiful, and the good will be restored immediately.

He was followed by Gungor.  I don't think anybody here, even the sponsors of the convention, have figured out how they scored Gungor, but it was unbelievable.

Now I am worn out and ready for bed.

Blogging from NYWC, Day 1

On the way here I read through my posts from NYWC 2011 and I was amazed just thinking about how much things have changed since then.

During the contemplative retreat held before the official start of the convention, I was consumed with Jay's illness.  I even made him a little sculpture-y-thing out of clay and took a picture of it so I could tell him what it meant when I got home.

That was also the first time that I had traveled by myself since having kids, and I also remember having a lot of anxiety about being away from them for so long.

It was at the NYWC last year that I first heard Tony Campolo and Duffy Robbins, and it was where I first heard about the D.Min. in Ministry to Emerging Generations at Gordon-Conwell.  You see where that got me.

But this year is much different.  It's much less overwhelming.  I actually know people.  I'm here with someone else.

Jay has had his transplant and is doing exceptionally well.  I'm pursuing that D.Min. that I heard about last year.  I walk through the bookstore for the convention and can count on one hand the books that I don't own. (Last year I came home with 22 extra pounds of books).

I wouldn't have guessed that I would have measured time from a youth ministry convention, but it seems to be more significant than I first imagined.

Today Nick and I managed to make it to Dallas and get to our first Learning Lab, despite our flight being canceled.  We went to Duffy's lab for 3 hours, and even though I spent two weeks with Duffy this summer, I still find so much that I don't know.  He really is a gem.

One thing hasn't changed from last year to this year:  There are still about five concurrent sessions at each block of time that I want to attend.  I guess I'm in for another set of podcasts!

My Little Liturgist

On the way home from Joshua's birthday dinner tonight, I was reminiscing about his first few days of life.

Me:  "Joshua I can't believe you're seven!"

Joshua: "Mom, it's just seven!"

Me:  "I know, but when you were born I thought my life had come to an end.  You cried all the time!  You were so needy.  I didn't know what to do with you.  I'd never been around babies before.  I'd never been around someone so needy before..."

Clare:  "I guess you heard the cry of the needy!"

Long pause as Jay and I stare at each other

Me:  "How do you know about the cry of the needy?"

Clare:  "From where we ask God to forgive us!"

Merciful God, we confess that we have not loved you with our whole heart. We have failed to be an obedient church. We have not done your will, we have broken your law, we have rebelled against your love, we have not loved our neighbors, and we have not heard the cry of the needy. Forgive us, we pray. Free us for joyful obedience, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.