Yesterday was great.
I got up and went to boot camp, and it wasn't until I got home and looked at FB that I remembered that it was Jay's liverversary. I hugged him tight for a long time. Then I did that really annoying thing where I say, "At exactly this time last year..." all morning long.
I also got to go to chapel at Union where Jay gave his testimony (I haven't used that word in a long time). He did a really great job. It wasn't until he sat down and I held his hand that I realized that he was shaking (not from Prograf) and that his heart was racing.
During our noon Communion service I told the story of David driving to Nashville so that he could be with us during the surgery. I got to thank Cecil and Tharon for inviting the congregation to an impromptu prayer service on the day of the transplant. I didn't share this in the service, but I later thanked Dan for the groceries and for letting things happen as they needed to happen.
I smiled all day.
I saw Jason's picture of newborn Amanda and remembered that, the day after the surgery, he brought leftovers from her birthday dinner to share with me: Famous Dave's and vegetables, with Trader Joe's beef jerky for a snack.
Amanda and David stopped at CVS to get earplugs for me so that I could sleep through the night. I won't ever forget the breeze on the porch at Satco when I could finally breathe again.
My friend Laura asked at dinner last night if it (yesterday) was the best day of my life. I told her that it really was. One year ago I felt confident that Jay would be fine, but not much compares to the joy of looking back on that day and seeing just how well everything did turn out.
I don't think that it was until yesterday that I realized how vividly I could remember the faces that were with us, and all the kindness and goodness that went with those faces. It wasn't until yesterday that I realized how vividly I remember every emotion, every moment of angst, every ounce of anxiety, the relief of talking with the surgeon when it was over, the terror of hearing the nurse yell Jay's name before I realized that he was trying to get Jay ready for extubation, the calm of knowing that my mom had our children and that I didn't have to worry about them, the absolute exhaustion when the day was over.
And every time I think about it I smile. Sometimes I laugh. Because it is so good.