Tuesday, March 15, 2011

In Which I Discover that My Van is Really a Tank...and Then Cheat

Yesterday I backed into a telephone pole. I hit it so hard that I didn't even notice that I had spilled my entire cup of coffee in my lap until about 5 minutes later. I hit it so hard that I knew my back bumper must be crushed. But when I got to my next destination and got out to inspect, I realized that there was only a 3-inch long vertical gash in the bumper. When I wiped the dirt off, it was hardly noticeable.

But I decided that this was the opportunity to take care of several body-work issues at the same time since we never got the car fixed after hitting a deer last December. So I called Jay to let him know that I was going to call a Claims Agent at our insurance company to get the repair work started, and then Jay mentioned "deductible."

Oops.

Paying for a non-necessity. Of course I can justify it. I'm simply being a good steward of what I have by taking care of it. 1) If there's unseen damage, it's better to have it repaired now than find out later that there were issues I didn't know about. 2) I wouldn't want my bumper to get rusty where the paint stuck to the telephone pole.

Oh, how easy it is to justify. If I was being really true to the spirit of what I'm doing, I would spend the next six weeks worrying about those things instead of actually taking care of them. That would be true to my discipline--worrying about something that I couldn't take care of right away, and feeling that angst and concern.

But I can take care of it. And I will. And I'm making a BIG exception here that I can only make because I live a life of privilege and contentment. There's my confession.

And I've already purchased pieces from the art show that I mentioned. They are beautiful, and Jay is technically buying them. But let's be honest, he hasn't even seen them, and I'm the one who's been in contact with the artist about purchasing them. Again with my life of privilege.

It's easier to cheat than I thought. Easy to pat myself on the back for not ordering my Sunday NYT on my Nook. Hard to stick with the discipline when I can so easily justify the big things that I want.

Feeling like a poser.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

just stumbled upon your site. (I was trying to figure out what a "BERNHEISEL" car is - Still clueless) I look forward to returning and reading more later.

Andy,
FUMC Austin Texas.