Thursday, October 13, 2011

And Then There's the Guilt

I'm sitting on my living room floor, dressed for a run, and feeling so guilty.

Today's my day off. It's the day that I do absolutely nothing except that which I want to do. I usually use Thursday for my long run, and when I get home I'm pretty much wasted for the rest of the day. It is truly my Sabbath.

Why do I feel guilty? Because my baby girl was so teary when I dropped her off at school today.

We went to the doctor yesterday after a week of whining, fussing, and general malaise. Two nights ago she woke up crying because her teeth hurt, and yesterday morning she finally said that her ears hurt. A perfect explanation for all the unhappiness, and when we went to the doctor yesterday it was clear that she had a nasty ear infection. She insisted on going to church last night, though, because she said she didn't want to miss choir and her class. I thought she'd be feeling better today, but she was still a little whiny.

The problem is that she hasn't been thrilled with school yet this year, so it's hard for me to tell if she's whiny because she doesn't feel good or because she just doesn't want to go to school. And if I'd followed the same path with her that I did with Josh, she wouldn't BE going to school full-time right now. But she is, because that allows me to work full-time.

Do you see where I'm going with this? I don't want to set her up to hate school because I've forced her to go before she's ready. But selfish me wants to be able to work because I love my job. So I'm sad and confused.


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